February 10, 2004
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all these days i just wanna kill myself now cause i hate it...all these feelings are killing me now.....why why its happening to me......please tell me why,...i really want to kill my self....i just want to...right now..so i dont have any thing to deal with...its really hard....dam hard....to deal with....TELL ME WHY..............
today..
...sad really saddont have a valentine for valentines day, all sad, will never be happy, didnt have a good dream last night,wake up in a sad mood, i had to broke-in the house cause i left my keys, got stun by a bee, trip over my cousins leg, hit my head on the wall, a rock was in my shoe, didnt buy lunch, have to walk to kam shopping, forgot my wallet, didnt by new hair color, got punch by my cousin, gotten hit by books, waiting for sara to come online, cryed while i was in the shower, trip by a rock while i was walking, neck was sore, family no stay yet (thursday they coming back), theme app for mac os x gotten taken off on my system, no drinks but beer(did drank alittle), didnt want to drink the water that i had with me, clothes not wash,not that much food in the frig, internet kept going off and on, my leg is sore, lost eyeglasses...thats about it...my day is the worst day of my life...
i don't think that....//love//last week
i don't think that i would never be happy in my life....even though i have such good friends...they will might not understand me that much...theres only one person that really understand me...really into...really speical..and that person is sara...i know i don't know about her that much...i really understand what she's into...even though i might not really understand her..she know what im up against. i know it hard to say "i love you" cause you might get rejected by that person that you really like or love, and it might really hurt your feelings...this person from kailihi told me "just be your self" but couldn't cause all the bad memories that i had in the past are killing me, i couldn't be myself that time, it was making me to really hurt my own self by cutting yourself by one blade..today i put a fake smile just for make other people happy..last friday, me and mayanne and crystal went to the park...mayanne and crystal was swinging then stop and talk to each other, but i...i was sitting there at the swing and crying....mayanne and crystal didn't look at me cause they was doing something. i was sitting there crying about something...something i couldn't get...something i couldn't tell to sara...of all these days i was hiding all my feelings from her ever since lastweek...during lunch time all last week i was going to the computer lab writing this letter at skool.....a letter for her...a letter that saying “i love you” but i didn't understand why i really liked her but only now i know, she's a sweet, outgoing, caring, emo, etc....i really ment it, i really like/love you that much..or really meet you for the first time....but now, im too confused about this...too confused to say it to you...too confused to talk to now...all i every wanted to do is...is.....to be continued
Comments (2)
yay. i'm glad you like sushi!
and i'm sorry you're feeling sad today. everyone has days when they feel sad, upset, lonely, rejected, etc.. and they are no fun. but keep your chin up. these times won't last forever. someone once told me to count all your blessings when things like that happen. and yeah.. sometimes it's hard to feel blessed, but if you think about it.. you really are blessed. even just the fact that you have fingers to type with.. or eyes to see.. (all of these little things that we are so used to having).. others aren't as blessed to have. anyway, yeah.. cheer up emo kid
you are worth way too much to be cutting yourself and thinking about killing yourself. i mean.. i've been there and done that myself.. but it's not worth it.. i promise. just try and think of how much you are blessed and remember that there is always someone who is there to listen to you.. and carry you in your grief. and if you ever need someone to talk to.. or vent to.. or pray with.. or whatever. i'm here for ya
karl. don't die. altho i cant sey i dont understand why u want to die because i understand. life just isn't going well for you right now, so don't worry about it. things will get better, I PROMISE! =) things always get better unless. and when you reach a low point, remember what i said. think about the good and the bad. the good ALWAYS out weighs the bad and smile. think of the most important thing to u. the one thing that makes u the happiest guy alive. and just leave it in ur head. and God is always there to talk to. God will be there when im not there to talk to. and His advice always works. so smile buddy. keep ur chin up, and talk to God.
God bless
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