sorrie but, new layout going be on friday///talked

new layout going be upload on friday..and i got to scan my drawing of sara (in anime version)….yes…sara is my sexy girl..lol…and yeah..the drawing looks “um..um….yeah”.lol…haha..i got 2 upload it to let her to see it…and yeah….sara…my “mizz emo friend”..yups…talked to her…and yeah…she knows everything …and yeah….i love her so much that makes me wanna see her..lol….later daysoOo…look..tomorrows new layout

im dead. take my body away now.

last poem

I don’t have anybody to talk to,
I don’t have anybody to confide in,
Even if I did, I wouldnt be able to tell them anything,
Because I don’t know what’s wrong with me.


I unscrewed a light bulb,
And crushed it with my fist.
I extracted the bloody shards from my palm,
and drove it into one of the veins on my wrist.


I washed my hands of all the blood,
I washed my mind of all the pain,
I cleased my skin of all the mud,
But the shards of glass still remain.


I wish I had somebody.
I have nothing.
Then, off in the distance, the bells stop ringing…


They’re gone.

two more days

in two days…i going someplace..and i might not come back

drawings

since sara’s friend “travis” wanna see tha drawings…i put it up right now

today..02/20/04..

today is really sucks…cause i dont know y sara is not talking to me…why sara..i know that you friend travis told me that you sick…very sick…..why…when you online…you wouldnt talk to me anymore…looks like you dont like me anymore? ::shiff:: i just really hope..you feel better than me…

today

all day today i was thinking of sara…i dont know y though…teacher ask me y…i told him…”nothing….just thinking of someone”…..later on today…i talked to travis (sara’s friend) about today…so yeah…i guess sara got to talk to travis or travis might tell her that i talk about with him….travis such a nice friend….not like my other friends…i hopefully that i can meet sara and her friends for the first time cause i wanna…and yeah…travis told me that when i gonna ask her out…i told him that i did…but she was busy..so that meand i think later on…my heart tells me go go for her…but somewere…my heart told me to hold back….i was soo confuse that i break down everytime…so yeah…sara i hope you read this….and oh yeah..i going post a pix that i draw today..but tomorrow i going upload it..ok…yeah travis.i going show you first

karl?

(jay updating)karl, where are you…..where you say?…

i cant take it anymore

i cant take it anymore……ahhh…i hate my life i really hate it………AHHHHHH i WANNA DIE NOW…..I WANNR LIVE MY LIFE As THE WAY WHEN I WAS IN 8th GRADE…..AHHHHHHH i wanna kill myself…WHATS WORNG WITH MEEEEE

you know WHAT!!!

YOU KNOW WHAT, I DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ANYTHING ALREADY…I REALLY HATE THIS ALREADY…SO LEAVE ME ALONE..IM F*CKEN WANNA END MY Lright now….IFE RIGHT NOW!!! AIM ME ALL YOU WANT…I NOT GOIGN FUCKEN ANSWER….”"You make plans to listen to a certain CD and cry all night. (Or probably just listen to it and end up crying anyway when you think of that someone…)”"

sara

….do you wanna meet me at alaz on thursday?

bored…so i made this for sara …hope you like it…hehe..God bless

(¨`v´¨)
 `·.¸.·’  
  |°“°|   .~°           .~°°~. .~°  /’°~.~°°~-,   .~°° /“°/.~°°~. . ~°   /’°~.
  |     |       ¸,.~°/     /         V   /   (_)          /   /     /          | |     |
  |     |                     /    /        /     ¸,.~°           /      /    /     V    /
  ,,.~°     ¸,.~°´¨ `~ -.,¸¸,.-`,¸¸,./ ` .,¸¸,`      /…./    `..,¸¸,.-`  -.,¸¸,.-

me…(lol…why im even putting up pix of me…lol)

and soo…yeah im “”WIERD”" of putting pix of myself..lol..next up…JAYSON’s PIX…HAHA

mayanne

look theres mayanne on the left and angie on the right…lol..yups…thats mayanne all right…see sara that’s how mayanne look like now..:giggles:..ah..i going put more later on ok?

if you notice…

if you notice theres a mac icon next the the address of my page…and yes…lol..i love it…

Valentine Day

“happy/sad valentine’s day everyone..lol…

new banner

yes a new banner again..lol

i finally update again

all these days i had a break down…i dont know why but my friends and sara helped me out…i need to change abit….not alot….just abit….hopefully i can be happy…and stay happy….even though it’s just on month and two weeks of breaking of with my ex…..sara helped me….and i thax her…..that’s y she’s “mizz rad friend”…lol….do you like that sara?..lol…

cut

m just 2 wek… i ave 2 go… i cant do it anymore… im trying 2 b strong, but im emotionally exhausted… i just wanna go… 1 part says “cut and itll all b ok” but another says “dont cut, cutting wont solve a thing… there is only 1 way out… and it lies in the medicine cabinet” y cant my life b normal?…..only two people knows this…and i cant tell who are them.

im dead,I found someone that seems to care that takes the dare to be with me.
But what I doubt, how long till I find out the secret that I was never what she wanted,
She only felt the need to dwell on my negativity.
She only loved me to fill my emptiness not because of me
why, oh why can’t I just find a girl that likes me for me
not the fact that I’m left out in this world full of maggots.
That chew me up and spit me out and feed me to the masses

all these days i just wanna kill myself now cause i hate it…all these feelings are killing me now…..why why its happening to me……please tell me why,…i really want to kill my self….i just want to…right now..so i dont have any thing to deal with…its really hard….dam hard….to deal with….TELL ME WHY…………..

today..…sad really sad

dont have a valentine for valentines day, all sad, will never be happy, didnt have a good dream last night,wake up in a sad mood, i had to broke-in the house cause i left my keys, got stun by a bee, trip over my cousins leg, hit my head on the wall, a rock was in my shoe, didnt buy lunch, have to walk to kam shopping, forgot my wallet, didnt by new hair color, got punch by my cousin, gotten hit by books, waiting for sara to come online, cryed while i was in the shower, trip by a rock while i was walking, neck was sore, family no stay yet (thursday they coming back), theme app for mac os x gotten taken off on my system, no drinks but beer(did drank alittle), didnt want to drink the water that i had with me, clothes not wash,not that much food in the frig, internet kept going off and on, my leg is sore, lost eyeglasses…thats about it…my day is the worst day of my life…

i don’t think that….//love//last week

i don’t think that i would never be happy in my life….even though i have such good friends…they will might not understand me that much…theres only one person that really understand me…really into…really speical..and that person is sara…i know i don’t know about her that much…i really understand what she’s into…even though i might not really understand her..she know what im up against. i know it hard to say “i love you” cause you might get rejected by that person that you really like or love, and it might really hurt your feelings…this person from kailihi told me “just be your self” but couldn’t cause all the bad memories that i had in the past are killing me, i couldn’t be myself that time, it was making me to really hurt my own self by cutting yourself by one blade..today i put a fake smile just for make other people happy..last friday, me and mayanne and crystal went to the park…mayanne and crystal was swinging then stop and talk to each other, but i…i was sitting there at the swing and crying….mayanne and crystal didn’t look at me cause they was doing something. i was sitting there crying about something…something i couldn’t get…something i couldn’t tell to sara…of all these days i was hiding all my feelings from her ever since lastweek…during lunch time all last week i was going to the computer lab writing this letter at skool…..a letter for her…a letter that saying “i love you” but i didn’t understand why i really liked her but only now i know, she’s a sweet, outgoing, caring, emo, etc….i really ment it, i really like/love you that much..or really meet you for the first time….but now, im too confused about this…too confused to say it to you…too confused to talk to now…all i every wanted to do is…is…..to be continued

why….why my past keeps coming back to me.

why why my past keeps coming back to me…..why…im alone as always….dark things….all alone..i was happy when sara talk to me……why…why..please god help me….

a letter

i’m waiting for sara to come home from the carnival…cause i made a letter for her…in class during period 2…..the teacher didnt mind i doing anything….i waiting for sara to get home and ask me for her letter from me…

i have to thax

i have to thax sara for helping me out this sadness from yesterday and writing a letter for me =), mayanne for making me laugh everytime, crystal for walking with me to home, monty or making wierd comments on the movie that we watch, richard for being there even though you didnt want to..lol, my group in period 3 for making wierd brownies, jay for making wierd comments about my hair and what classes i going to take…..lol……later days

i have to think

…im thinking that i going to color my hair redish and brownish…..cause i can……maybe…..maybe therre will be some changes of in my life…..abit and abit….

i wish that i would just die

…i wish that i would just die….i wish that i would just die….i wish that i would just die….i wish that i would just die….i wish that i would just die….i wish that i would just die….i wish that i would just die….i wish that i would just die….i wish that i would just die….i wish that i would just die….i wish that i would just die….

wishing…

…wishing that i was dead so i dont have these feelings right now…i hate it……i hate it….wishing that i was dead would sovle my problems earlyer….but no….it cant

good-bye everyone

good-bye everyone………..

sara

im sorrie sara, i should told you how i feel about you. before, when you have a boyfriend..i had this really big crush on you. im sorrie that i never told you earlyer…i couldnt tell you how i felt about you. im crazy all over you. i hope you read this sara……i hope you do….

sorrie sara

sorrie sara im hurting myself again…

im crying

i dont know why but im crying right now…i feel alone……i need someone to hold me…someone to talk to me….i dont think that i wouldnt be loved again….im sorrie sara i should tell you, i should tell that i…that i…that i….i dont know….i..i…i should tell you that i…..i cant tell you how i feel…about….

you know who you are

i know what you going to now….you been happy since you guys got together but now…you guys apart…..is it my fault?….if it is…im sorrie for that..and im really sorrie…..now i want to……………………………

pix of me……yeah i know my friend is so into pictures…

…white…

i have to wear white clothing on tuesdays and thursdays…..and long pants….i really match with my glasses (same glasses like sara’s one)…..look at me look at me…lol and i mostly carry my notebook and my sushi….lol ….i going post a pix looking like that on tuesday…

info updated…

1. Name: Karl Pajela
2. Nickname: Mister Rad Friend, sushi boy
3. Age: I is sexteeN…lol!
4. Astrological sign: SCORPIO
5. Chinese zodiac sign: Rabbit… LOL
7. Sexual Preference: HAHAHA…I LIKE this question.
8. Eye color: SO DARK BROWN, that is should be BLACK…
9. Height: 5’9…
10. Shoe size:Depends on the brand.Eight to nine usually…
11. Parents still together?: yup…High skoo sweethearts too…
12. Siblings: 2 brothers, and 1 sister
13. Nieces/Nephews:  TWO…
14. Kids of your own: um….no.Even tho I’d save money with the daycare at skoo.
15. Grandkids: ::smirks::YeS!No children but I do have grandkids…OF COURSE NOT DUMBASS… 
16. Pets: Hmm….i don’t.My sister does…It’s like a ZOO ober here…
17. In school/graduated:  in skool…
18. Rent, lease, or own your home:  I Live with my parentals.What can I say…
19. Have any credit cards:  No…I did get approved to buy a car tho…with no credit.
20. What do you drive:  let’s say that i dont drive yet but i have a is300… ^_^

*!*Preferences*!*

21. Color: gray, black, white, blue…
22. Number: I like 1, 11, 111, 14, 1×1, 8, 4, sextillion…
23. Animal: Mommy, I wanna PUPPY! [Ein]
24. Vehicle: the LEXUS iS 300
25. Flower: OoOo…unpicked flowers please…*giggles* I like…idk…like flowers…
26. Scent: GASOLINE, SHARPIES, THE MUSKY A/C SMELL, NEW CARS, NEW Things FROM Apple, COFFEE, ORANGES, VANILLA
27. Shape: I Heart stars!
28. Drinks: ANYTHING
29. Soda: I like white PEPSI [yeah yeah…I make my own tho…] and Blue COKE…yeah yeah..make that urself too…
30. Book:  Gate Keepers OR KAMASURTA…lol.
31. Band/Singer: Anything that sara listen are really good to me
32. Song:  sara…you pick your fav. song for me

*!*Do you *!*

33. Color your hair?:  DUR…at least every month…
34. Twirl your hair?:  not in class…lol
35. Have tattoos?: I want sum..
36. Piercings?:  where?…
37. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend/both?: nope….i break-up with my girlfriend one month ago
38. Cheat on tests/homework? YES.I’m PROUD too…
39. Drink/Smoke?: drink?Known fact…will when I can…smoke?I would, but can’t buy any.So no.
40. Like roller coasters? no….but sometimes i do..
41. Wish you could live somewhere else?:  Of COURSE! the person i really like’s house….lol
42. Want more piercings?:  where?
43. Like cleaning?: I clean my body…real good…..do you wanna clean my body for me?
44. Write in cursive or print? no…
45. Carry a donor card?: no.
46. Swear a lot?: not that much…only in bed i do..lol…
47. Own a web cam?:  YES!Do I use it?NO!there’s no extra usb port das why…
48. Know how to drive? I TRYING KAY!
49. Diet?: I NEED TO…cause i might gained in TSUKADAS class…
50. Own a cell pone?: YES!As a matter of fact, I have three lying around sumwhere…
51. Ever get off the computer?:  HA!No.im on ALL the time…
52. Habla Espanol?: Si.

*!*Have you ever*!*

53.Gotten a speeding ticket?: no…
54.DUI? lol…maybe when I turn twenty.one.
55.Been a wreck?:no…seen too much.
56.Been arrested?: no…I’m an ANGEL. *coughs*
57.Been in a fist fight?: no…and don’t even try.
58.Kicked someone in the nuts? no…
59.Stolen anything?: no…only FOOD…
60.Held a gun?: no
61.Drank?:  YES!
62. Been so drunk you couldn’t remember your name?: hmm…I gotten drunk to the point where I felt the world was slowing down, and to the point where I almost kissed [person]…
63. Considered a life of crime?:  what KINE crime?
64. Considered being a hooker?: hmm…it depends.MANWHORE is such a COOL title…lol
65. Had Sex?: THIS QUESTION…WHY?I won’t say cause…
66. Cheated on someone?:  Yes…but she cheated on me at the same time…
67.Been married?:  no…
68.Cried over a girl?:  yeah…SO?
69. Cried over a boy?:  *coughs* haha wierd question…
70.Lied to someone?: yeah…ONE times…HI!
71.Been in love?:  hmm…idk.I THOUGHT I was…I thought I WASN’T…I forgot.
72.Fallen for your best friend?: ::coughs:: um…that’s kinda a personal question…
73. Made out with JUST a friend?: HELL YEAH!Can THAT be a bounus?
74.Been rejected?:  no..
75.Been in lust: LOTS of times…today, yesterday, Friday…
76.Used someone?: sad to say…yes.For food and movies tho… ^_^
76 Been used?: YES!For food and movies…
77.Been cheated on?:  YEAH….have u READ my xangurr?
78.Been kissed?: Yeah.
79.Experimented with homosexuality?:  ….

*!* Now *!*

80.Current mood: good…wating for SUMONE to call…
81.Current music: the mercy kiss – nothing less [than everything]…i love it…
82.Current taste: hmmm..lol strawberrys…
83.Current hair: red-brown…well…im trying…it aint GROWING!GROW HAIR, GROW!
84.Current annoyance: people thinking im no fun…cuz I don’t talk much online…WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY IF I DON’T KNOW WHAT UR FACE LOOKS LIKE AND UR EXPRESSIONS?
85.Current smell: buttery cookies…
86.Current thing I ought to be doing: CALLING SOMEONE!
87.Current windows open: internet explorer, appleworks, iTunes, iChat, winamp, Safari, iPhoto, Adobe, dvd player…SO?I mulitask….the more it runs…tha more it become fast…lol.
88.current desktop picture: someone that i really like but couldnt tell her…what…i made it as a wallpaper so what…lol…
89.Current favorite band:  Sara knows…i think….i listen what she’s listens….
90.Current book: let’s say that theres a bible in my room……i dont know what im reading rightnow..lol.
91.Current cds in stereo:  sowee…don’t have a stereo. I have complete SOUND SYSTEM aka G5…the speakers are really kickin
92.Current crush: Chika knows…
93.Current favorite celeb: PARiS HiLTON!
94.Current hate: hmm…waiting.It’s boring.
95.Current job: unemployed, hopefully at my cousin’s working place
96.Current clothes: nothing….yeah right….shirt off but i have my boxersbeifs on…….…
97.Last book u read:….Zzzz whoa?
98.Last movie you saw: LOTR:ROTK…wanna watch it AGAIN!
99.Last thing you had to drink: water
100.Last thing you ate: sushi…
101.Last person you talked to on the phone: no one but sara called me…

*!* Do you *!*

102.Do drugs?:  no…I’m too freaked on the consequences…
103.Have a dream that keeps coming back?: yeah yeah yeah….it coming back to me
104.Play an instrument?: I like to use my ibook to do the playing for me lol…
105.Believe there is life on other planets?: dont know
106.Remember your first love?:  idk what LOVE is?How would I KNOW?There were too many FLINGS for me…but I remember one particular one…rich…and really nice.
107.Still love him/her?: no…
108.Read the newspaper?: Horrorscopes, interesting stuff…and the classifieds… 
109.Have any gay or lesbian friends?: Yup….::waves to them::
111.Believe it’s possible to remain faithful forever?: Yeah…it’s just a rare occurrence.
112.Consider yourself tolerant of others?: Hmmm…yes and no.depends on what I have to tolerate.
113.Consider love a mistake: sometimes…like the LAST time I said LOVE…
114.Have a favorite candy?: lol…ilfe savers…
115.Believe in astrology?:  yeah…
116.Believe in magic?:  of COURSE…I tried…it WORKS…u should too!
117.Believe in God?: YUP!! id do as always
118.Do well in school?: hell yeah!I sleep and get A’s or B’s… ^_~
119.Go to or plan to go to college:  Yup yup….
120.Wear hats?:  no…
121.Hate yourself: doesn’t everybody?
122.Have an obsession?:  yup…it’s jus only chika knows it…it’s the person i like
123.Have a secret crush?:  yup…but if I tell, it won’t be a SECRET..DUH! but chika knows
124.Do they know yet?:  IT’S A SECRET…ONLY Chika Knows…ask her…
125.Collect anything?:  let’s see.I collect controversial images [gurl/gurl, dude/dude, gurl/dude/girl, religios kine] but it aint PORN!I ….ok those anime *porn* dvd…..eh my cousin is nasty k!
126.Have a best friend?:  HI!::waves at friend::
127.Close friends?: yup…
128.Like your handwriting?: of course…three sentences and I already filled one page
129.Care about looks?: i like……ask chika already.

*!* Love life *!*

130.First crush: katie…something…FIRST GRADE.
131.First kiss:  *should i tell?*
132.Single or attached?: Single, but I MIGHT be attached soon…
133.Ever been in love?:  I thought It was…I was wrong…
134.Do you believe in love at first sight? Saw it twenty inches away from me…then it fell apart
135.Do you believe in “the one?”:  DURR…How do you think?
136. Describe your ideal significant other: NiCe… likes most of the stuff I’m into, someone who can carry the types of convos I get myself into…treats me right, respects me…and all in all is someone who’s FAITHFUL, really cares..…

*!* Juicy stuff *!*

137.Have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing?: do you want to?
138. Have you ever been intoxicated?: I MIGHT have been…
139.Favorite place to be kissed?: Lips is good, tounge is better, OoOo all over..hehe
140.Are you a tease? I CAN BE…If you WANT me to be…lol
141.Shy to make the first move? Yeah.That’s why im waiting for a phone call.

*!* Are you a *!*

142.Wuss: I’ll admit.YES!
143.Druggy:  druggy…NO!!!
144.Daydreamer: Im ALWAYS in space…that’s why I always say WHA?!?!?!?
145.Freak:  yes I am.PROUD too.Well, more of a PERV really…
146.Dork: um
147.Brat: um
148.Sarcastic:  hehe.Cuz you do look nice in your clothes.
149.Goody-goody: in class…ONLY!
150.Angel: now where did I put my wings and halo…sara wanna find it for me? lol
151.Devil: i dont get mad……i only get sad…
152.Shy: Try talk to me if u don’t know me.
153.Talkative: online on iChat…lol
154.Adventurous:  it depends…but I’d say im pretty adventurous
155.Joker:  depends…
156.Flirty: I SUCK AT being sad……cheer me up sara…

AH!!!GATE KEEPERS 21!…….

omg i love gate keepers 21……my fav. anime all this time….lol…..“GATE OPEN!

Gate Keepers 21 theme song

Ima (kyou) egao ga areba
KIMI no ega ga areba…

Ikigirashi furimuita toki
Itsumo KIMI ga ite warai kaketa
Kujikesou na kokoro ni hibiku
Tashika na ashioto

Aoi sora ni habataku tori-tachi wa
Kanashimi wo furikitte yuku

Ima (kyou) kibou ga aru yo
Mune ni kibou ga aru yo
Ima (kyou) koso akeyou
Asu (mirai) e no Gate

Ima (kyou) yuuki ga aru yo
Atsui yuuki ga aru yo
Dakara egao de tachiagarou
Get’up my heart!

Kurayami de hiza kakaete mo
Nani mo kawaranai kokoro tojite
Kao wo agereba kikoeru hazu
Kasuka na utagoe

Arashi no naka sobieru kashi no ki wa
Ikusen no inochi (seimei) mamoru yo

Ima (kyou) chikara ga areba
BOKU no chikara ga areba
Subete no tatakai wo
Owarasetai

Demo yuuki ga areba
Ai to yuuki ga areba
Kizu darake de mo tachiagarou
Get’up my heart!

Tachiagarou… Arukidasou…
Asu (mirai) wo shinjite

Ima (kyou) egao ga areba
KIMI no egao ga areba
Kokoro wo tozashiteru kagi ga hiraku

Ima (kyou) yuuki ga areba
Atsui yuuki ga areba
Hashiridaseru yo

Ima (kyou) egao ga aru yo
Hikaru egao ga aru yo
Ima (kyou) koso akeyou
Asu (mirai) e no Gate

Ima (kyou) yuuki ga aru yo
Atsui yuuki ga aru yo
Kitto kagayaku yume ni todoku
Get’up my heart!

Ima (kyou) asu (mirai) e habatake my heart

i going update more laters!!!